I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline

Our story was written too many times,
Each time, I remember something new,
It’s felt like, our eyes were re living it 
You lived hours away in an airplane
But our hearts, were always together,
I was almost sixteen of age,
Sitting on the screen I owe,
Signing in and Signing out, 
But Somehow “Naruto 1234”
was never online, though
Weeks passed and I couldn’t nudge you,
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline
Though I could feel sadness in my heart, 
But I didn’t have any clue back then,
Though I tasted bitter, something wasn’t right
I felt agonize and ache, 
You were offline! I couldn’t nudge you
my phone screen lighted up
my best friend is calling me, 
School marks highlighted my sky
But something was up
my best friend voice was an echo
A sad, irritating echo,
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline
My dreams were black, 
It felt like I was blind somehow
And with no any kind of warning
She said “ He says hi” 
As my body was on Goosebumps
My tears were falling like a waterfall,
And all those memories that we ever had,
Was in my head! I am re living it 
I remember, I remember the first we met, 
June 16th 2007! I remember
Your dark brown eyes looked at mine
I felt H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S literary
The time you told me “I love you”
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline
Days passed, even winter came and left
And all I kept doing was waiting
Waiting for you to call me back
Like every single night,
Summer came also and everything was green
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline
Its been too many years, 
Somehow I honestly couldn’t forget you,
The first time we kissed 
August 24th 2008 
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline
Again, it’s been too many years,
And I am still waiting, perhaps hoping
You would call back,
I still log in to my M.S.N
Am I that crazy?
You were gone so quickly
I even forget how to breathe,
I still have those skating pairs 
The one you gave me, 
I still use your phone number,
As a password of everything I own,
I couldn’t nudge you, you were offline,
In the memory of young love,
It was the last car ride you took,
The one you wanted to surprise me,
As a long distance relationship
The last thing, the last time we talked,
Was 18th Sep 2009 
You said “ I love you” 
And literary my heart stopped
Since then, 
My heart literary stopped,
It stopped

Do not Fall for I

Do not fall for I, 
For my insides are like dying flowers,
I am broken and what left in me, 
Is my darkness of the night?
Do not fall for I, 
Because my loneliness, 
Will make you ache in places, 
You never felt it before, 
And my damaged reflections, 
Will burn holes in your face,
Do not fall for I,
As my mind is a haunted place, 
It screams and kill, it does not relent
Do not fall for I,
Because instead of giving you freedom,
I will lock you inside the gates of my sorrow
There would be nothing left,
Do not fall for I,
My love for you cannot be true,
It would be cursed, of all the things, 
You ever hated before, 
I will be more powerful than a poisonous snake,
Do not fall for I,
I cannot even bare to look at my face,
So how could you do?
Even understand the mess of my heart,
Do not fall for I,
I am not an easy person, 
I will always find excuses and push you,
Even when my body is safe next to you,
Do not fall for I, 
I can’t be your motivation, when you’re tired, 
Instead I might kill your creativity, 
And bury it in me,
Do not fall for I, do you understand me?
Because simply, I am not enough,
If you haven’t notice yet, 
I was never that, I shall never be that, 
So do not fall for I, 
I assure you, your life would be hell,
Not even close to happy endings, 
Not sure of anything at all,
So do not fall for I, 
I am not enough, for even one chance, 
Of anything that grabs happiness in one sentence 
I am not enough, 
Do not fall for I, I command you, do not

You are Worth More

I said, “Put down the phone, darling”
Put it down my dear darling,
Its alright, you are much worth than that,
If he or she, 
Hasn’t texted you back, 
In few hours, days or what so ever,
Its alright my dear darling,
Don’t sit lazy on the couch, 
Staring at your broken screen,
Waiting him to text you back,
Instead, 
Ignite the space in your heart, 
Go out and smell the air, 
Realize you are worth more, 
More than short late night calls,
Emoji instead of words,
More than Vague compliments 
And empty promises,
Its alright my dear darling, 
Remind yourself of things you like, 
How beautiful you are, 
Be loud, go and rest your stress out, 
Your marvelous, just go out,
Don’t waste your thoughts, 
Wondering, why isn’t he giving me time,
Or the love you deserve, 
Its alright my dear darling, 
Its alright, 
Don’t let his silly replies, 
Make your day happily ever after, 
I know that feeling, but
Don’t make it his call to make you smile,
Embrace your life, go out,
Make your magical moments happen,
With him texting you back,
Just remember you are worth more,
Than him texting you back the energy 
You needed, don’t!
I promise you, my dear darling,
Put yourself first!
He is not worth your time,
Yes dear darling, put yourself first,
Go out, and make things happen,
Because they make you dance 
With laughter and joy
I promise you my dear darling,
You are worth more, 
Just spend your time on someone, 
Who appreciate everything about you, 
Instead of making you wait, 
Hours, days maybe more,
I know its hard dear darling, 
I know its hurts too, 
But remember, 
You are worth more, 
Yes dear darling, you are worth more

My Dim Poetry

I love how you came into my life, 
Just like the ingredients mend,
Through jazz music and late nights, 
Cigarettes, collecting empty beer bottles,
I love how you make my heart bumps,
Whenever I get addicted to blue cheese
Taste so bitter, but pretty too,
I like how you give me the chills,
Every time your lips touches mine,
I could literary ignite my lights out,
So beautifully, and perfectly, 
You, would never imagine it, 
I like how you look at me,
Whenever I write dim poetry,
Full of sorrow more into love, 
And you, would never judge
My inner sins, nor 
My pretty white skin
I like every time I catch you singing
To music that gives Goosebumps
Instead of waterfalls, down to our faces
I could be a writer, one day
To inspire others, as they say,
But I would rather sleep naked,
Not in a sexy way, but to be myself
In this warm view, where your eyes
Is all I can see, maybe think off,
I could be a dancer, 
If you just let me one, 
Or a summer night singer, 
Where one day, I can change the industry,
But, You would rather see me cooking,
Not a beautiful lady wearing a red dress,
Up in the night, dancing in the room
I liked every detail about your soul,
Very deep, inspirational but sad
Heart is breaking so slowly
You never noticed your creativity 
Swinging in the ashes,
I liked how God created me, 
Made me live in this earth,
That now we are killing it,
I like how God, is giving me a reason,
But I don’t want no reasons,
I want touches, on my body
Till I shiver at night, 
Where I needed it to feel
I could be something big,
If I want that, 
But I don’t, I don’t want that
I want my dim poetry 
To be read at night, 
Where young teenagers, 
Could cry to a million stars,
Makes them wonder, 
“Not Enough”
Yes, 
I want my dim poetry 
To be written on the walls,
Of your cruel hearts, tonight
To be everywhere in the world,
But not to feed your soul,
Yes, 
I want my dim poetry
To feed my own individuality,
Cause I am a sinner, 
Who drinks at night, 
Shivers at daylight, 
Yes, yes, yes

Sep 17th 2001

For many years. I forced my body,
and forbidden my mouth
not to speak about it. But it have been killing me.
Tearing me up. Physically, mentally and emotionally
It never stopped! This feeling, hiding behind my head
Unable to tell anyone, afraid to end up dead
This feeling, where looking at the mirror, means
I am not myself. You’re not yourself
September 17th Two thousand 1, as a little girl
who kept her dreams up “Respect me, Respect me I said”
After school, waiting for my mama to pick me up
She always forget me, So, I used to sit in the road,
Playing with some sand, with a friend of mine, Called R
Hours passed by, as the sun started to leave,
I could feel someone breath, at the back of my neck
His hands slowly touched my body
demanding goosebumps
Attacking my childhood without permission and destroyed it,
Sooner R came by, she screamed till her voice went wild
He soon ran away, but still lives in myselfMy mama came, when its too late. R told my mama
That I was hurt, but mama never knew. She never knew, 
How her only child got hurt, its been too many years now,
But somehow, I have lost myself and ever since
Whenever I look at the mirror, I have no confidence,
Nothing to hold on, R was the only one who ever knew
She was my only friend. and ever since
I am only the girl who killed herself
=

I have Thoughts

I have thoughts, but they are restless 
I could barely feel them, perhaps
Touch their angles, too
But I have been running, 
Through the fire wires, 
Hoping I would run into you, too

I have collected my music, 
In a boombox, 
But this special one, 
It opens by the sound of your echo,
Not by a coin, 
Because its only for you, 
And my body too,

I have all the pictures, 
We once had or wanted to
But the memories are too dusty,
You cant see your face clearly
But you can see mine, easily too,

I have all the words, 
You once said to my face,
With the times, I cried
And the times, I laughed so hard
Within the strings, we owned too,

I have all of your dreams,
You used to like, 
But, time has just destroyed it, too,
Vanishing all the love, 
Through the blue skies,

I have all of your looks,
First time, 
When the earth was crying, 
Second time,
When our lips met each other too,
Many more, 
And the list goes on too,

I have too many things,
Yet I can only share this,
For you too,
As I cant share anything more, 
Unless your hands want it too,

But I have too many love for you,
Nothing more, 
But love for you too,
Only love for you too

Its 3 AM, its the only time he text

Its 3 AM, and its the only time he remember me
My phone dances waking up my body to solo
I curse on myself, for not having it on flight mood
The way my mobile dances, I know it him
My fingers and I are not that friends, so whenever
He text, my friends betray me as always to answer
Its 3 AM, and its the only time he text
I keep myself sleeping all the night
Roaming around the memories that I want to repeat in
Laying in my sofa, waiting for a nonsense text
Just to complete a pleasure on having someone
attention is all I ever needed,
Though on mid days, I lie to the true me, on
how moving on and being independent is all I want
But lets face it, we all do that
Its 3 AM, and its the only time he remember me
He reaches out for me, when he is too wasted
or lonesome, I convince myself maybe
after all, I must mean something to him
But my veins appear to be bold like a tattoo on
my skin to remind me, on things he used to do
I allowed my ears to repeat his words to me
" I am not ready" he said
Its 3 AM and its the only time he text
He made me become his emotional pillow
Like a placeholder temptation
But I no longer want that,
I dont need a pity pale faces
or any of his another excuses 

I no longer want to be his lighthouse
So next time when he remember me
At 3 AM
I will demand my body not to awake
While I dance on the shivers of the night
Its 3 AM
and my body moves to the table
reaching to my phone
writing down the pin code
opening the message
read it and
it says " I miss you,
hope you are watching over me,
I know you wont receive this, but just
in case you are up there, you might read it
it might make you smile,
I miss you,
I hope you are in heaven"
Its 3 AM
Its the only time he remember me 

When you loved me the best

It was winter on the summer days, your words collapses into a piece of art

They crashed the silence that lived between us, for the last four months

I remember your hands on my mine, it highlighted our future 

It crash our fear and bloom our wings into the sky for the sake of love

All of the weird, awkward moments vanished right away

Like the intense quiet ignited with trust and loyalty

I remember allowing myself with a deep breath of the swallowing air

I demand my head to stop twirling till I nailed the courage 

You was the courage that I needed the most, in that time

It was you, who aspired and inspired my soul to dance 

It was winter on the summer day, when your words collapses into heaven

We grew a part ever since, like it was always tend to happen

But I still wanted it to end differently, peacefully and lovely

I wished for something above and beyond, like longing on your chin

Between thunderstorms and the fights, or conflicting the fact that your face

will no longer exist in the mind of our hometown songs 

But I remember, I shall remember your courage, your touch and every thing

I shall remember you between the edges, I shall remember you 
So deeply, beautifully and completely
I shall remember you, when you loved me best 

By Sally Bani Hani 

You Said "RUN"

You Said Run

You said I had one chance, 

You said "RUN"

But where do I go tonight?

I am gasping for air, 

For a thunder storm,

And again I swallow my love, 

I swallow my own sins.

You said "RUN"

But my lips

are attached to yours, 

Like its one skin,

But you said "RUN"

And all I see is your face, 

Right against my chin.

You said "RUN"

My heart feels unwanted, 

I want you to trust me, 

I want to be your friend,

But all of your touches, 

Makes me spin, 

Go too fast as I win,

But You said "RUN"

And I dont want to run,

But You said "RUN" 

And I dont want to run

By Sally Bani Hani