Introvert But Extrovert

An interactions with the wind,
Is similar to the attraction of a women,
Skin to skin, deeper
With the scene of perfume,
The kind of music, that no one understands,
Behaviors changes,
according to the women intentions to read minds,
Above the ocean,
On a rock and roll myth she says,
An interaction with love life,
Like no other,
Is simply a waste of living chances,
New reveling clothes for the more
sensations dimes,
Another attraction for the men,
Who feel lonely at the night of surrender
To be held with the kind of music
People may dislike,
Above all that,
to the ladies who once was betrayed
By the same kind gender,
But cant be divorced,
To the men who once
Had it all,
But somehow lost their appetite
To the world who buys cruel
as their main course
To the girls
who wanted to change the world,
But somehow lost it,
To the transgender,
Who got bullied,
Spraying their love on the wall of fame,
To the misfits,
Who rocks every single step with dancing
To the lovers,
Who are willing to change for
the sake of what we call "Love"
To the believers,
Who bullshit everything,
To the mankind God
Who loves everything and everyone
To the haters,
Who just jinx everything perfect
To us,
Who we love all kinds
Who want to be everything
in the same time,
Nothing at all,
To us ,
The ones who likes perfection
But cant handle life crisis
To us,
To the people who are lost
Introverts But Extrovert
At the same time,
To us,
The weird living creature
To us,
  

My feelings

I am not trying to suffocate you, when I ask you where you were,

Or who you spent your weekend with; I am just trying to protect my heart. If you were out with another girl, I want to know, so that I can slowly. Detach myself from the idea of you. I do understand that relationships are meant, to develop slowly, but I am impatient, I want to skip past the small talk and go straight to kissing you instead I want something deeper, more meaningful

Even if we are not officially dating, it feels like we are, There is always this thing, about you, about your smile I wear my heart on my sleeves. During a casual conversation,

I might tell you about a recent death In my family, I am open up a lot, It might scare you off, But its normal, The kind a normal that is weird for you, When it comes to see you, You will be my first priority If your free, then I will ask you to see me, And it doesn’t mean that I don’t have backup plans, But I prefer you, I know, that I should play it cool and, wait for you to send the first text. But I really want to talk to you, Even when I have nothing to say, My impatience takes control and sometimes, I end up sending texts that I regret seconds later. I would tell the world about you, You know, when it comes to me, My feelings slip from my lips with ease, I do cry myself to sleep every single night, if it was up to me, I wouldn’t be obsessed with the idea of you, and I wouldn’t break down if you told me that you were in love with another girl, or that serious for a matter of fact

I am highly destructive as well, When I don’t get what I want,

It feels like the end of my world, That’s why I act out by getting drunk off a Mexican beer and a tequila shot, Posting things on social media, and sending you mean texts, I don’t really know how to deal with my pain, So, I act stupid as I can Don’t blame me, It’s not my fault that I get attached so easily, I don’t do it on purpose, in fact If anything, I actually try to stop myself from developing feelings for near strangers, but Somehow it never works,

I am powerless to my feelings, It’s just the way I am wired

Dear Mom

Dear Mom, I was only ten,
When it started, Noticing things, 
Get my heart broken, And here I am,
Standing on this stage,
Speaking out my mind, Letting every piece out, and
 I still remember, My Mom aching voice, And how my dream,
faded away, Like a knife into my skin,
But all I did, was sit and pretend,
And for my memories, my memories
Kept biting and, haunting me,
Like a war living in my thoughts.
And I wondered, If I was your male child,
Would you have came to me,
Asking To give up on his dream, or just leave it to last
After all, I am not your male child,
All I ever wanted was to speed so fast,
And a roller skates, 
That made me who I am, I was only 14, at the time,
All I ever wanted was to fit in, Let the world see my scars, 
That made me live in fears, Dear Ma,
I feel lost in this world, That already judged my own 
Stuttering and skin, All I wanted was for you to listen,
See, My dreams are more than a white wedding dress, 
But would you support or show me more stress?
But how could you know? How could you know?
When your sight is deaf your ears are blind!
Too much anxiety too much to worry,
I was only 15, You made makeup hide my scars away,
Like a shining butterfly across the universe,
So society would likes me, But all I ever wanted, 
Was a pen and a paper, For you to feel my pain,
Instead I laid awake, rather than being asleep.
But After all, I am not your male child
And I wished, if you only knew, How I fought my own demons, 
Late at morning and early at night,
God! Am I dreamer, Just open your eyes,
Show me the power, that made you bare 
9 months to see me, Dear Mom,
Dear females upon the stars
Speak up (x2) and show them who we are
We are here; in God will, And ma,
Yes I deserve respect,
I deserve luck, and I deserve to be loved as your female child 
As whatever she and I want or you dear mom

It ( Slam Poetry)

It was waiting for me,
Around the corner,
When we first met,
Staring at my body,
Full of shivers and cold,
I dig, my nails into my skin
A distraction from the pain itself
But its more powerful,
than rocket ships,
Though my mind was clear, but
things changed, I thought
I  knew how to fight it back, but
I failed myself with high expectation
Instead the way it stared at me
Made me confused and lost

They told me " things will be alright"
They lied,
it was much stronger
than day light
It felt like I was alone,
Me, myself and I against it
It was all I could think of,
This feeling, losing my mind
stealing away my sleeping time
So slowly! I never noticed
How its heavier now,
this monster who lives in my head
Is now like water I cant live without
Very large and big, but cant be caught
since  psychiatrists said
Its not there, its not reality
But somehow lives in my head, and
The pressure is crushing at the back of my neck
I am its life force, without me it dies
It shorten my breaths and accelerate my heart
Its the only thing it want me, and
Its torturing me, there is no escape
It stares into the pit of my soul
and ignites my darkest fears, Suffocating
My will to fight, worst part!
This thing, knows me more than I know myself

Its feels like everyday
I am marching to death,
Who I live near by, I mean in
and now
I am just giving up my entire ideas and love to it
To be honest,
I am starting to feel like I am the only puppet
In his shows, I am his marionette
and I need to fight it back
I need to fight anxiety
I need to fight it back

Confession By S

#ConfessionsByS
I am that kind of friend who suddenly disappear off the social scene, give up on my goals and unique personality traits.
Dating me, with my control issues will make you feel minor irritation
Listen to my confessions wisely:
#One I come on strong
I can be very flattering and it will make you fall for me straight away,
In a short amount of time you will feel like your the center of my universe and its when I start to control you
#Two Your time is my time
I quickly try to make you feel as if anything you do is a disruption to the life we have together
Unfortunately, these ‘disruptions’ are often your family, friends, hobbies, or anything else that equates to your life as an individual.
I will try to make you feel bad about your choices, make you feel guilty about doing something without me
#Three I Lacks on social life
I dont have a fantastic social life, since controlling to the thing
I dont usually mention my friends or the activities I do, its because of my control issues.
I am rarely secure, So I would rather chose a partner and thats it
#Fourth
I keep on constant tabs you
I can see caring to begin with, maybe concerned about you, but it doesnt take long before my behavior crosses where it moves to be unhealthy. Soon, my caring " texts" becomes insistent calls, My anticipation on explaining myself will dies and I would rather be home on time
And little by little your confidence and feelings will diminish, you will start entering my wild zone, and you will feel like your wings are clipped, all of your enjoyments of life will fade away, because of me,
Because of my insecurities
#Fifth,
I am charming,
Yes
#Number6
I will direct you, its what I know best
Trying to explain anything will not help out ( Trust me)
I have issues, I am emotionally imbalanced, whether it be insecurity or self-love or unhealthy need for perfection.
I can also make you feel self-doubt, and second guess your own choices
So before its too late, I advice you to run
Run before you get attached to a freak like me,
Run my friend, run...

I m not a Sunday Morning

"I am not a Sunday Morning" #Sad #LongPoem #Emotions
I am not a Sunday morning,Passing out energy
Sipping coffee for the sake of love, No, I am not a sunflower,
Humming like birds, For anyone to notice me,
I am the left hangover, Of a whiskey bottle,
The bitter taste, I am those quotes at 3 in the morning,
Those tears that hit the floor, I am the one who weep poetry,
I am agonized, Mentally gone with the wind,
I am a broken window, attractive but destructive
On valentine day, Staring at others While I blame my skin,
I am a gunshot, Shooting my individuality,
I am a piece of awkward sadness, I belong to the leap days,
On winter and summer, I am the light and black,
You can see my lighting, Cause I am only an echo
Who shivers at night? I am nothing memorable
Cause I seek for dramatically reasons,
And those verses who haunts down, I am not a morning person,
I am a waste of time, That rapes your soul out,
I am the strong, but I break I mean, I am the break, cause strong
Was never my thing, I am that last sip of tea,
The ending of love, Heart gripping poetry
Last of everything Last of myself, I am so broken,
yet so beautiful in my brokenness, I am the false of every click
You failed! Yes I failed, I am not a happy person,
At least I pretend to be, But I am not,
I break, I break, I break.

Sixty Years

                                                        #SixtyYears #Poetry #Sad #Emotions 
                                                All I need is, sixty years and you. The love and
                                            No need for ceremony, Yet, I have my own groom, and

  I can wear a white shirt, and run in the blooms, You be my king, 

And I shall say yes, Without melody and A people to attend, 

All I need is, Your faith in my hands, For all the wishes, 

The night and I behold, Its our fairy tale, Yet no one is true, 

  My family will like you, But please don't you go, You might think, 

    As me as I insane, Just stay here, No need for pain, All I need is, 

Nothing but your soul, Against mine, We dont need a car, 

Yet we live in the star, Hold me closely, Let us not fall a part, 

Sixty years, not to much, For us to be asleep, Stay here, 

      Dont let me leave, Look into my eyes, Dont make me disappear, 

Stay here, Wish me near, Dont you go, I am right here, 

All I need is, Sixty more years, Nothing less, But sixty years

HAF

     Don’t text him, don’t text him and don’t text him!

It’s a scene where I demand my brain on not doing it, 

Don’t text him, I keep on talking to  myself. On how doing it might give he signs

On how desperate I might look. He will call me clingy and then lose interest in me

But I also know, no matter how many days I managed

to last without texting you, I shall always crack wide open

I will try to shut down all of my thoughts whenever 

I listen to chasing cars by Snow Patrol, Promise!

Or if I crossed that view on the last place in the city

I won’t stop and look to the view, I shall pass by only

Promise! But it would be hard for me, if I walked by our favorite 

coffee shop “Green Turtle” it can drag me back to you,

      I can never resist promise! It’s not always texting though, I might be able to hold myself

back from finding you on my contact list, least for a while now, promise!

But it doesn’t matter because I will end up liking one of your pictures

    you know from my undercover account,

 I might as well see your many angles pictures and just witness

  your smiles as I can. And if I stumble across a photo of you and a lady

    I will search through her photos, too. See, I honestly tried to stop myself from caring about you, 

   but I, I lost my self control, whenever I see your picture or hear your name

    Somehow I can see the past we once had and Even after everything we have been through after

the shitty things I did and the opposite as well, 

I would still say hello if I saw you in the streets, or at least not just run away

   No amount of reason would be able to hold me back, I know it’s been a while since we last seen each other, it feels like it hasn’t been long “ Stalking” on social media 

I tell myself not to mention you to my friends for the thousandth time, 

I tell myself not to replay our memories

But I do, I do because you’re the only one 

Who made me who I am and loving myself the way I should

I hope one day you would realize that

Even we didn’t meet again,  If you ever read this by mistake

Thank you “HAF”

You were never mine

You were never mine, but we were close, our words, embraces, the way we laughed
we were connected, Maybe through time and place, maybe
Through the way we always knew how to bring a smile
to one another’s faces, maybe Because nothing was ever said, but the feelings
But the feelings were still there, hiding, below the surface
You were never mind, but sometimes it sure felt like you were
It felt right when you would turn to me for advice
when we would stay up late on the phone and I would giggle from too much wine
It felt right when I listened to you share stories about your father, or your brother or
the girl you used to love when you were young
it felt right when you told me secrets that no  one else knew
and when I made promises but failed to keep them

Maybe nothing was ever said about ‘us,’ and what we were, but it was implicit.
I would have fought for you. I would have died for you.
I would have kissed you, if you let me. You were never mine, but I loved you.

     I loved you fiercely, on your hardest days.
I loved you deeply, when you rested your tired head on my shoulder.
   I loved you patiently, as I watched you chase after women who would never give you their full hearts.

    I loved you from a distance, as you fell for someone who wasn’t me.

    And maybe at the time it didn’t hurt. There was something unspoken between us,
     some dividing line that we didn’t cross because we were never each other’s to have, to hold, to keep.

  I didn’t mind it then, loving you from afar, being your support,
   your confidant, your buddy, your friend. I didn’t want more because
   I felt like I already held all the parts of you safe in my chest. It wasn’t until distance came between us, that I, realized how hard it is to miss something that was never yours to miss.

       You were never mine, but I still miss the way you’d close your eyes
when you were stressed and lean your head back to face the ceiling.
 I still miss the way you’d laugh at the stupidest pictures on the Internet and
 send them to me, even though you’d see me just a few hours later.

I still miss the way you’d confide in me, the way you’d tell me about her,
the way you’d lean on me for advice and comfort and laughter.

Because it was always so easy between us

I still miss the way I felt like I was yours, even though I never was.

You were never mine, but I still miss you. Every single day

I was never yours, but sometimes I wonder if you ache for me, too.

Be Different

Sometimes being different is more attractive than being a normal person, and if you think about it what makes a normal person so special? I dont believe its their daily routine actions or how they are dressed or the way they eat, its more than the outside looks or behaviors. Its what inside you that makes you so unique, the way you think, and the way you see the world.

Imagine if the world we live in shares the same things we do or shares the same ideas that we think of, I mean that would be boring! So by being a total different person, you change the world it would be more colourful and bright, I know its not easy, but at least its different than what people think or expect.

The universe we live in gave us a change to be different as you can see around you, we dont share the same skin colour, dreams or cultures. Therefore its another reason why different is sweet as honey, together combining our unique difference we can make this world a better place. A different place.
Also remember if anyone ever called you that, dont take it personally, but take it as a compliment
Your different! Which mean that your unique, like the solar system.

#BeDifferent #BeSpecial #BeYourself

Its already 2:00AM

                                          

Its 2:00 Am

Its two am and this is how I feel,
Dizzy, after getting wasted last night,
Trying to forget every promise you ever made,
Chocked up, from your words,
Lies and beliefs
Addicted, to the drugs you gave
To love you with every piece of I
Without noticing,
Drowning in with you so slowly,

Its three am and this is how I feel,
Ashamed, after falling in love with you,
Since you,  stopped loving me,
Ashamed, that I didn't realize it
Much sooner
Ashamed, that I gave you a chance,
Without asking my soul to,

Its three am adding at least 20 extra minutes
And this is how I feel,
Tired, from crying,
Tired, from dialing your number,
and quickly hanging up
Tired, from checking our pictures,
On the camera roll,


Its three and half Am and this is how I feel,
Ache and pressured around my neck
Since we broke up on my birthday,
Ache, because you shouted at my face,
So loudly that I began to eat myself up.

Its four Am and this is how I feel,
Bitter not better, for having too much of tequila
Trying to get over you,
Bitter, from tasting your lips on mine
Bitter, because I am wasted
Alone in the balcony

Its Five am and this is how I feel,
Not good, but I will move my body,
Wash up my pale face,
Getting ready for work,
Like nothing happened,

Not good, But I will push anxiety away
Wear a smiling mask,
My high heels and make up on
and move on,

Its Six AM and this how I feel,
Wasted as fuck, not good enough
Strong, powerful and super
Pale, beautiful, confident and nervous
I feel like a human, who feels too much
But strong enough,

Its seven Am and this is how I feel,
POWERFUL!

Do not Fall for I

Do not fall for I, 

For my insides are like dying flowers,

I am broken and what left in me, 

Is my darkness of the night?

Do not fall for I, 

Because my loneliness, 

Will make you ache in places, 

You never felt it before, 

And my damaged reflections, 

Will burn holes in your face,

Do not fall for I,

As my mind is a haunted place, 

It screams and kill, it does not relent

Do not fall for I,

Because instead of giving you freedom,

I will lock you inside the gates of my sorrow

There would be nothing left,

Do not fall for I,

My love for you cannot be true,

It would be cursed, of all the things, 

You ever hated before, 

I will be more powerful than a poisonous snake,

Do not fall for I,

I cannot even bare to look at my face,

So how could you do?

Even understand the mess of my heart,

Do not fall for I,

I am not an easy person, 

I will always find excuses and push you,

Even when my body is safe next to you,

Do not fall for I, 

I can’t be your motivation, when you’re tired, 

Instead I might kill your creativity, 

And bury it in me,

Do not fall for I, do you understand me?

Because simply, I am not enough,

If you haven’t notice yet, 

I was never that, I shall never be that, 

So do not fall for I, 

I assure you, your life would be hell,

Not even close to happy endings, 

Not sure of anything at all,

So do not fall for I, 

I am not enough, for even one chance, 

Of anything that grabs happiness in one sentence 

I am not enough, 

Do not fall for I, I command you, do not

I am allowed to be heartbroken

StopTelling me, 

To get over him,
Oh! I am allowed to be heartbroken

First of all, 
I will never apologize
for my feelings, 
so, don’t you tell me, 
“He is not worth my tears”
If I want to cry, then I will cry
Until my mascara hide my face away,
Get drunk texting him,
After a few too many shots of tequila
I will never apologize for having feelings,

Second of all,
I won’t get over him,
Unless I freak out first
I know, I don’t need him
That I am better off without him,
Or how any guy would be lucky, to have me
But for now, I won’t get over him
At least not for now, 
See, it’s how I get my closure
Please let me destroy myself
So, later I would have a chance,
To put myself back together,
Otherwise, he will always be in my mind


Third of all,
Why should I hide my pain,
And put a happy face?
For example, when I have the flu,
I don’t pretend that I am in a perfect health, 
Why when I am depressed, I should cry behind doors
I don’t want to lie to my friends,
About being fine, just to make them comfortable
Its not! Life is not comfortable



Number Four,
Little things mean so much to me
I know that single life isn’t that bad,
Or boys aren’t everything, 
You know, 
I would still cry if I got fired, 
And the finale of FRIENDS, 
Broke my inner piece, 
I got upset when bad things happens,
But it’s the way things go around here,

The fifth thing,
Love, is all we talk about,
Half of my time, 
I am told that I should be happy,
Its hard, especially when 
I am bombarded with commercials, 
On happy couples and 
photos of #Relationship goals
Or tips how to find love, 
It reminds me how single and lonely I am 

Number Six,
Screw my reputation, 
I don’t care what I look like 
In other people eyes,
So I am not going to hide my crazy,
I would rather embrace who I am,
Being myself, is more important
Than letting anyone fall for someone else,

Finally,
I will get over him, eventually
One day, maybe tomorrow, next year
But I will, get over him
And I will look back and laugh
But today, is not the day,
Today I need to bask in my misery
Today, I need to think about all 
The romantic things you said to me,
Look too many looks on the old texts,
Mourn my failed relationship,
Today, I want to be sad, 
I want that, it’s the only way
Tomorrow I will be truly happy

Some days

Some days, I wonder
If I will ever have a love like ours again
I write a lot of things about love, you deserve
Self- love and hope to find the right relationship
However, there are some days, Where I ask myself,
“ What if I never find that kind of love again?”
I mean, if I am honest,
 never loved someone as much as I loved you
After we went our separate ways I found myself
Afraid to fall in love that much again,
I had even barely managed to put myself back together,
When we ended, and I just wasn’t sure, I could do it
for a second time,
I still remember how it felt to love you,
How I was head over heels, you and I,
we were something unexpected, yet!
something wonderful,
We had a relationship that a lot of people told me,
They wish they had, and I know I wasn’t your first love,
But I also know you loved me deeply,
We always supported each other, and fought our battles
Heads on and hand in hand,
It was safe, it was almost like home
You were like home to me,
We didn’t make it, the home we built,
 caught fire and cold,
That made us sick in a way that left no choice,
 But to walk away,
Those days have long passed,
However it’s been years now
Since our home burned and left to heaven,
And although I have had a relationships,
none of them
were like what you and I had,
I haven’t fallen in love in such a way
 and it doesn’t feel like anyone else
Have loved me the way you did,
Despite all of that,
I still hold onto hope,
I still believe that eventually,
I will have another love that is so incredible that I will want it
Around for the rest of my life,
Maybe we can build a palace or a mountain view,
 Be happy and fully again,
But it will never be like the home we had once,
By Sally Bani Hani

I am not a Sunday Morning

I am not a Sunday morning,
Passing out energy
Sipping coffee for the sake of love,
No, I am not a sunflower,
Humming like birds, 
For anyone to notice me,
I am the left hangover,
Of a whiskey bottle,
The bitter taste,
I am those quotes at 3 in the morning,
Those tears that hit the floor,
I am the one who weep poetry,
I am agonize, 
Mentally gone with the wind,
I am a broken window, 
attractive but destructive
On valentine day,
Staring at others
While I blame my skin,
I am a gunshot,
Shooting my individuality, 
I am a piece of awkward sadness,
I belong to the leap days,
On winter and summer,
I am the light and black,
You can see my lighting,
Cause I am only an echo
Who shivers at night?
I am nothing memorable
Cause I seek for dramatically reasons,
And those verses who haunts down,
I am not a morning person,
I am a waste of time,
That rapes your soul out,
I am the strong, but I break
I mean,
I am the break, cause strong 
Was never my thing 
I am that last sip of tea,
The ending of love,
Heart gripping poetry
Last of everything
Last of myself,
I am so broken,
yet so beautiful in my brokenness,
I am the false of every click
You failed! Yes I failed
I am not a happy person,
At least I pretend to be,
But I am not,
I break, I break, I break.