Why 3:00 AM is important to me?

A 3:00 am
is my vulnerable time
of the day
Where I expand
and mend
throughout the day
Where I cry
and pretend
I let myself take the blame
for the scars
the red, the blue
the sadness
I let my heart
ache
for the missing pieces
that I kept inside
and just hide
away from happiness
cause, honestly
happiness isn't my thing
I dont live
for the smiles
for the excitement
I dont live for the sake of friends
and lovers
and enjoyment
I live for the agony
depression, and anxiety
I live for the mess
for the pain
that is sculpture
inside of me
thats bombs everything
especially me

A 3:00 am
is where I let everything out
but in silence
within my writings
metaphors and music
A 3:00 am
is where I finally
have the courage
pick up the gun
Shoot my individuality out
expose my lines
tell the truth
I am not ready to live
I was never ready to live
I was never ready