Right Now

Right now

I look like the girl

from the Black Swan movie

My skin is losing its mind

My senses are slowly panicking

I can’t make it stop

I am anxious 

Out of control

I can’t relax,

Even when I am safe

My anxiety is eating my peace

is eating my inner peace out

Its why I bite my nails

I can’t focus

I keep on checking my phone

When its off

I feel the tense sense

I can’t make it stop

Anxiety is my heart

Messy, damaged and honest

I am doomed

Miserable, lost and weird

I am slowly dying

Letting everything die with me,

the flowers, are becoming frozen

This ceiling, everything

I am panicking

There is no a switch off

I am a bad feeling,

My system can’t be shut down

I socialize occasionally,

especially when I am drunk

I mean wasted, 

It’s like getting sad

after watching the Notebook

or getting the news

someone is dead

I am the universe of feelings

the bad ones

the misfits

crazy

I go to the extent

the viral

moody

I get anxious 

just by existing!

Am I crazy? 

I may be born like this

With my insomnia 

Depression

and dolor

My life has no point

I go left, I go right 

Nothing is useful

I look like the devil

from the movies

Unwanted, abandon 

a killer

As a kid I was never okay

I had dimensions 

I could see my endings

last scene 

of every single day 

Sometimes I see myself

cutting my wrists

days where I cry myself 

another is when 

I wear this god white dress 

but my stress 

is killing me 

I feel heaviness on my chest

but despite of that

I am okay

the kind of answer 

where it’s a lie

covering for the truth that I want it 

My anxiety is my identity 

we are a two compound

it is for the likes 

and praise 

and no matter who I meet

or what I read

I will have it

See, it lives in my veins

it’s my oxygen

it’s my middle name 

and I am fine with it

 I am fine with it

I am with fine with it

I am not 

I need help

I am not fine with it

I am not!