My Long Gone Friend

For the past eleven years, Woman International day has been something frightful to me,
Its hopeless to avoid, I see it in the news, on the commercials,
and whenever I receive greeting cards
People embrace it on social media on #WID but whenever its March 8th
I let my fears eat me alive, remembering that one person who used to rock my world, is gone
I grew bitter, not better especially watching my friends
Share their love to that special person, and I could not
Instead, i grew hate inside my spines reaching down my throat
I grew pressure that made my stuttering go into raping mood
The first two many years following that someone death,
I remember going on denial, deaf losing sight mood
I just needed space and clarity
I made ache my best friend, no romance to swallow
a deep grief, i drowned myself in time with memories
just to keep my mind occupied
I lie whenever someone asks how it happnened
It was blurry just like my soul, there were pieces everywhere
poetry painted on the walls, glasses that remained in the corners
Just so I remember, just so I wont forget you
Call me selfish, I dont mind
I allow myself to write letters to you and mail them
Knowing you wont ever receive them,
but I let my emotions out on the keyboard
Even though my feelings would explode with tears 
But its the only way, I can still sense you somehow
especially, if I meet a stranger on the street
and share about my favorite memory
I feel like i am inviting you back to my life for a second
Call me crazy, but I feel you sometimes
like a strong stroke that i am okay with
So, when March 8th starts
I look for the places that we used to go,
Perhaps I would, see you
Hold that thought, call me crazy
Woman international day
kicks me in the stomach each and every time
especially seeing you among them
without me, without myself
and I am happy, I am surely happy
You get to impact on others
I get to watch over you from above
You get to visit me with flowers,
I get to listen to you share our memories
that I sometimes like to forget
so, Woman international day,
Is something I look up for and I dont
Because I get to see you,
But then you cant even feel my existence
cause I am dead and you are not.