This is how I feel

This is how I feel,
I am scared
If my mental illness 
Will make me unlovable
If depression 
might hold me so tight
I may forget how to breathe
and my anxiety
is becoming more chronic
The thoughts, I once had
are slowly dying
My body is beginning to slowly
Dim, dim in my sad poetry
as I begin to leap for the days
Where I start to give in, give up
This is how I feel,
Terrified, I might die alone
But I secretly know,
That I wont, I mean
I have insomnia, dolor
Within my bruised skin
Its like we are one,
I had past, in the past
Where they tried to let me go,
To let my inner soul experience
things differently, but I failed
and this is how I feel,
Chocked up, literary
I dont need someone to fix me,
I am no broken, I am a human
with emotional bombs
Even my therapy
couldn't handle seeing
the medication go away,
Like I am a waste, of time
This is how I feel
The need of being surrounded
with compassion and love
Someone who knows my flaws
Who memorized my scars, knows
How to calm me down,
when my mood swings pass by
Some to kiss me when anxiety
hold my breath away
Someone who loves the little things
Just like me, but I know
I know, its not easy
Who would want to give up their life
to be with someone like me,
I am impossible, the weird one
Its not even fair,
I cant let anyone fall for I
I will let them ache in places
they never felt before,
This is how I feel,
......................................
Nothing
By Sally Bani Hani