Explaining my happiness to mom

Mom, I am happy at midnight
Where you would be asleep
right after 3 in the morning
Where my anxiety strikes down
I am happy, truly completely full of happiness
No mom, I am not lonely, i am a crowded place
full of people coming and going, and staying, (no not really)
But dont worry mom, I am a success story
the perfect metaphor where people cry in the end,
I am that part, (only)
I am happy mom, see
Dolor passes by, and we hang out ( all the time)
It make me shivers,
In the kitchen, on my laptop writing as always
I am enough, yeah people act like I am no weird
and they say that I am a comfort ( not really), see
My happiness is not like any other,
It suffocates me, in ways I never felt so happy with,
Its like love, first love of the sun, with the moon
That kind of love, that doesnt exists
But I am happy, like super happy mom
Things are going just fine, thats why I stay up late
I am being productive with my friends,
I have, insomnia who never leave my side, then
I have my stuttering who is like a shadow
and did I mention depression
because we are like best friends now,
so dont worry mom, I am happy,
Remember that time where you saw me, sinking
Sinking down with my thoughts and
A tear hit my mascara turning my face into a colorful masterpiece,
and I had to lie and tell you I am sad
I am not, not even close
I am happy, super happy
Mom,
Dont hold me so tightly, it reminds me of the abuse
That scratched at the back of my neck
Dont try to say kind words or motivate me, I am okay
Dont worry, when right after my working hours, I like to sleep
It just, I  dont want you to ask how my day was
I am happy,
I am super happy mom
Just dont at me in the eyes,
I already have a burning soul, a body
and my mind is slowly aching
I am happy