You were Never mine

You were never mine, but we were close,
our words, embraces, the way we laughedwe were connected,
Maybe through time and place, maybe
Through the way we always knew
how to bring a smile to one another’s faces,
maybe Because nothing was ever said,
but the feelings. But the feelings were still there,
hiding, below the surface.
You were never mine, but
sometimes it surely felt like you were
It felt right when you would turn to me for advice
when we would stay up late
on the phone and I would giggle from too much wine
It felt right when I listened to you
share stories about your father, or your brother or 
the girl you used to love when you were younger
it felt right when you told me secrets
that no  one else knew about,
and when I made promises
but I failed to keep them. Maybe nothing was ever said
about ‘us,’ and what we were, but it was implicit. 
I would have fought for you.
 I would have died for you. 
I would have kissed you, if you let me.
You were never mine, but I have loved you.
 I loved you fiercely, on your hardest days. 
I loved you deeply, when you rested your tired head on my shoulder. 
I loved you patiently, as I watched you
chase after women who would never give you their full hearts.
I loved you from a distance,
as you fell for someone who wasn’t me, someone else
And maybe at the time it didn’t hurt.
There was something unspoken between us, 
 Some dividing line that we didn’t cross
because we were never each other’s to have,
to hold, to keep to everything
I didn’t mind it then, loving you from afar,
being your support, your confidant, your buddy, your friend.
I didn’t want more because, I felt like I already held all the parts
of you safe in my chest. It wasn’t until distance came between us,
that I, realized how hard it is to miss something that was
That was never yours to miss.
You were never mine, but I still miss
the way you’d close your eyes 
when you were stressed and lean
your head back to face the ceiling
I still miss the way you’d laugh
 at the stupidest pictures on the Internet and
send them to me,
 even though you’d see me just a few hours later.
I still miss the way you’d confide in me,
the way you’d tell me about her, 
the way you’d lean on me for advice
and comfort and laughter.
Because it was always so easy between us
I still miss the way
I felt like I was yours,
even though I never was.
You were never mine,
but I still miss you.
Every single day
I was never yours,
but sometimes I wonder
if you ache for me, too