The first time I saw you

The first time I saw you,
You asked me a tricky question
" Who are you?"
I lied and told you the basics but
What you don't know that I am a mix
a mixture of different ages,
I have a very complex multi personalities
I don't even know what my mood is going to be
after 10 minutes, so don't ask me
I am not sad nor happy
I am at the hardest stage.
I never feel anything, and I am barely feeling
And I have no power to speak,
Trust me,  if there was anything quieter than silence, I would.
The second time I saw you,
You asked me this
" How are you surviving?"
I answered you with I slept
I slept a lot until I realized this
My weight on you, and therefore
I spared you, my talks, and my interests.
I am so tired, and I honestly thought
that I needed to sleep only, but it's more than that.
it's been too long that I feel my heart
will burst from sorrow any minute
I remember after a while of us meeting
Something has gone out of my heart
It will never be the same no matter how hard I try

I wish I hadnt answered the phone

I wish I hadn't answered the phone
Listening to the other person voice,
Stunned me with the news,
The last thing I expected was this
I remember feeling like my soul slowly
left every part of my body painfully
Hello! Are you there?
Physically I am, but my voice is no longer existing
It refuses to speak, I am here
People wearing black, no makeup at all
"It happens all the time, it's the circle of life"
No, it's not! This is now how it suppose to be
The first raw months, I stumble
My lungs are refusing to be filled up with air
As I listen to people fill my ears with meaningful words
" Be strong, they are in a better place now"
But my bittering lips are being crushed,
I haven't had a sip of water, How could God allow this?
But every time I remember you,
my hands slowly touch my chest like I am shaking your hands
I wish I hadn't read the newspaper
Your name is all over it, you were only 16!
I am barely sleeping, looking at my screen
Knowing its one of your pranks, waiting for your call
How can God allow this? This isn't fair!
Your parents asked me to go to a grief group
But I don't want to, going means admitting your gone and you are not gone yet, you are not gone
It's been 40 days and you are missing
Your phone is disconnected,
and you are not online on MSN
Your family are having dinner, moving on
I haven't sent any flowers yet, to your new home
I wish I hadn't checked your profile on Facebook
Its full of memories, pictures and rest your soul words
I didn't even dare to write any, I chose to read quietly
Every time my phone rings, I assume it's you
It's been 3548 days since the last time I saw you
I still believe you would call me,

Adore me

Adore me, do not send me lost signals, 

tell me about yourself

Louder,
Please raise your voice, 

do not hold your emotions, 

let you pour out

Use your words. 

Raise your voice. 

I want your eyes to look straight into mine

to see your vulnerable side. 

please.

Don't let me chase you, be too much, 

you either be in and just out

A little respect is not too much to ask for,

 I want all-inclusive love. 

An unmistakable love.

I don’t want you to play it cool. 

I want you to adore me

I want you to adore me
deeply, simply and happily 

Reach out to me and touch my hands
Take a deep breath
Inhale and exhale it brightly
Adore me, please 

With no flowers or #RelationshipGoals
I want you to want me fiercely

Giving up on you was never that easy but it made my heart hurt so bad

Giving up on you was never that easy
but it made my heart hurt so bad

One day I will be gone

One day I will be gone

You will come straight to my room
but not find me 

It would be super tidy
my things would be gone 

I would be gone

One day when its sunset 

my eyes were no longer be mine
I won't control them 

Therefore I won't wake up
My roles in life will
no more be valuable 

I will be gone 

In the time it would be easier

No emotional words on social media 

or am I too many posts

My existing will no longer be there 

I don't want to be any good now 

I will be gone 

I will be gone 

nothing would stop me from going

Everything that was ever related to me 

will no longer exist

Like I was never there 

Modern Single, dating

we manage to get our heartbroken
It's like an
attachment gift afterwards
Our healing process,
sometimes takes too long
We forget who had hurts us,
so we think we are done healing
but little do we know,
that our closure did not end yet
Part of us is still
looking for the missing pieces,
"the answers"
Therefore when the "one"
arrives, we freak out
We manage to create
incredible excuses and run
Just to avoid
modern relationships,
because we are worried about
wearing our hearts on our sleeves,
acting vulnerable, and
expressing interest.
Therefore we choose to be protected by ourselves alone
and far away from heartache.
Many of us would be
totally fine by texting someone
24 hours, but not in a healthy
relationship, we don't want to cry!
We don't

 

2018!!!

1/1/

I have loved you once 

It's my forever 

31/12 

I wish I never met you

In fact, I wanted you to 

love me for me, 

In my worst days 

30/12

It's hopeless 

The peace within me 

is purely gone now

29/12

I am waiting for your texts

between the received 

messages, it's hopeless

28/12
I am not sure if I have
any left feelings towards you 

but something in me says that 

27/12

I am ignoring you 

26/12
My world is full now
There is not enough space 

for more people

25/12

I turned 27

I lasted

24/12
What is the different between 

adoring and falling in love?

23/12

It's crowded here 

I can still see you 

standing still 

22/12
It's not my place anymore
it's time to let go

21/12
I emotionally ruined me 

20/12
I now feel things, 
little do you know
I was never made to feel

19/12

I don't want us to meet

out of the bloom

or as a stranger 

18/12
It took you forever to say
"I love you"

17/12
 naruto92@hotmail.com

16/12
I wrote you a thousand letters today 
But I clicked on them 
DELETE!

15/12

I have waited for a certain message, 

but not getting it 

is actually getting it

14/12
I don't want you to text me 
at 3 in the morning 

I want normal during daylight 

13/12
I couldn't nudge you,
you were offline

12/12
I am not hurting 
It does not feel like a bullet
I never got shot 
but surely it wouldn't be that bad

11/12
Nothing is left in me,

what is left are the darkness of the night

10/12
An old friend visited me today
I forgot we know each other 

Dolor is the name of it 

9/12
It rained today 
it rarely rains 

8/12
ENFP

7/12/
" Cars!
the 4 wheels object are so dangerous"
Why would anyone even drive them?

6/12
 Was it me?

5/12
In relationship with dolor 

4/12
Lost without you

3/12
You used to follow me everywhere

2/12
Just another pointless crush 

1/12
My day started amazingly 
It was full of faces 
pale ones 
but a fine day