another depressive episode

I think i am going through
Why this is so hard,
I am not doing great,
I think I am having
God,
I am going through
another depressive episode
Nothing is happened
I dont know why am I crying
I am fine,
Just out of love
I am not sad
noting in my life has happened
to me to be sad
My life is good
nothing is bad
I am okay,
I am having this feeling
because I was depressed
now, I am fine
My memories are not coming back
nothing can come back
I dont feel good about myself
I am not confident
I dont want to live
Sorry,
I am always low about myself
but
this is how I feel
I am always emotional
and I dont know why
Is it because of the last episode of the bold type
but I am happy
Super, happy
full of butterflies and coffee
But I am giving up now
I am thinking, i am going through
a heart break
as much as that is incredibly flattering and
thank you for feeling that way,
like, I am no role model
or inspirational
Uhm
I cant help in my brain and read that
and feel pressure
I hear this and i cry
I cant be that perfect
I am going though down here
and I feel like I can live it up like that
This is not me
I am not great and it sucks
Uhm
I hate that i cry all of the time
crying all the time
but this is the reality of  having a mental issue
I dont know what to say
this is how I feel right now
and i dont feel good
i wanna hide
i wanna stay in bed all day
and hide
from the world
its like, this feeling
its a
its like this
sinking feeling inside
my pain cant even fit my body
this feeling eats me away
making me so small
and now
I am this
nothing
I need help
or I will
do it again,
like many times before
Hurt myself again today
and the worst part
I am happy this way
I think,
I have no friends
no one to hold
but razors
I am falling,
I am small
In need
help,
I
I am going through
Uhm
just
going though
a
heart break
but
I
will
Uhm
be
Uhm
happy