4 in the morning

Its 4 in the morning sharp as steady as my heart goes
My phone decided to dance vibrating 
On the tone of chasing cars by Snow Patrol
as my heart slowly detached from itself
leading burns in my throat
I cursed myself,
For letting my phone get it freedom on dancing
Its not because it decided to wake me up
I never sleep, and when I do,
I would be totally drunk with fireballs
My mobile decided its time for my fingers
to escort it with a tap
I quickly had a vision, I know who is calling
Its 4 in the morning sharp,
I held my phone while dinging, its him
I jumped not knowing was I happy or in a mess
I held my heart night after night
not asking for any help
I am in my bed, not texting the boy who broke me
Who sends dings to my phone
every 4 in the morning sharp,
I am just laying,
I even forget what its like to move my senses
out of my wide skull open
I lay until his name is just a name 

on my broken screen
I must be strong, especially when its pass 3 am
Its 4 in the morning and my scars
shows in my skin like a tattoo
reminding me with his silly excuses
" I am not ready" he says
" I am not for you" he says
See, I am strong without alcohol diving in
I play with my own ego
I play Russian roulette with the little dignity that I have left
Its 4 in the morning
and my phone is dinging
for the sound of his abuse covering my mouth
for the memories that are burning
Its 4 in the morning
and I am trying to be strong