Confession By S

#ConfessionsByS
I am that kind of friend who suddenly disappear off the social scene, give up on my goals and unique personality traits.
Dating me, with my control issues will make you feel minor irritation
Listen to my confessions wisely:
#One I come on strong
I can be very flattering and it will make you fall for me straight away,
In a short amount of time you will feel like your the center of my universe and its when I start to control you
#Two Your time is my time
I quickly try to make you feel as if anything you do is a disruption to the life we have together
Unfortunately, these ‘disruptions’ are often your family, friends, hobbies, or anything else that equates to your life as an individual.
I will try to make you feel bad about your choices, make you feel guilty about doing something without me
#Three I Lacks on social life
I dont have a fantastic social life, since controlling to the thing
I dont usually mention my friends or the activities I do, its because of my control issues.
I am rarely secure, So I would rather chose a partner and thats it
#Fourth
I keep on constant tabs you
I can see caring to begin with, maybe concerned about you, but it doesnt take long before my behavior crosses where it moves to be unhealthy. Soon, my caring " texts" becomes insistent calls, My anticipation on explaining myself will dies and I would rather be home on time
And little by little your confidence and feelings will diminish, you will start entering my wild zone, and you will feel like your wings are clipped, all of your enjoyments of life will fade away, because of me,
Because of my insecurities
#Fifth,
I am charming,
Yes
#Number6
I will direct you, its what I know best
Trying to explain anything will not help out ( Trust me)
I have issues, I am emotionally imbalanced, whether it be insecurity or self-love or unhealthy need for perfection.
I can also make you feel self-doubt, and second guess your own choices
So before its too late, I advice you to run
Run before you get attached to a freak like me,
Run my friend, run...

I m not a Sunday Morning

"I am not a Sunday Morning" #Sad #LongPoem #Emotions
I am not a Sunday morning,Passing out energy
Sipping coffee for the sake of love, No, I am not a sunflower,
Humming like birds, For anyone to notice me,
I am the left hangover, Of a whiskey bottle,
The bitter taste, I am those quotes at 3 in the morning,
Those tears that hit the floor, I am the one who weep poetry,
I am agonized, Mentally gone with the wind,
I am a broken window, attractive but destructive
On valentine day, Staring at others While I blame my skin,
I am a gunshot, Shooting my individuality,
I am a piece of awkward sadness, I belong to the leap days,
On winter and summer, I am the light and black,
You can see my lighting, Cause I am only an echo
Who shivers at night? I am nothing memorable
Cause I seek for dramatically reasons,
And those verses who haunts down, I am not a morning person,
I am a waste of time, That rapes your soul out,
I am the strong, but I break I mean, I am the break, cause strong
Was never my thing, I am that last sip of tea,
The ending of love, Heart gripping poetry
Last of everything Last of myself, I am so broken,
yet so beautiful in my brokenness, I am the false of every click
You failed! Yes I failed, I am not a happy person,
At least I pretend to be, But I am not,
I break, I break, I break.

Sixty Years

                                                        #SixtyYears #Poetry #Sad #Emotions 
                                                All I need is, sixty years and you. The love and
                                            No need for ceremony, Yet, I have my own groom, and

  I can wear a white shirt, and run in the blooms, You be my king, 

And I shall say yes, Without melody and A people to attend, 

All I need is, Your faith in my hands, For all the wishes, 

The night and I behold, Its our fairy tale, Yet no one is true, 

  My family will like you, But please don't you go, You might think, 

    As me as I insane, Just stay here, No need for pain, All I need is, 

Nothing but your soul, Against mine, We dont need a car, 

Yet we live in the star, Hold me closely, Let us not fall a part, 

Sixty years, not to much, For us to be asleep, Stay here, 

      Dont let me leave, Look into my eyes, Dont make me disappear, 

Stay here, Wish me near, Dont you go, I am right here, 

All I need is, Sixty more years, Nothing less, But sixty years

HAF

     Don’t text him, don’t text him and don’t text him!

It’s a scene where I demand my brain on not doing it, 

Don’t text him, I keep on talking to  myself. On how doing it might give he signs

On how desperate I might look. He will call me clingy and then lose interest in me

But I also know, no matter how many days I managed

to last without texting you, I shall always crack wide open

I will try to shut down all of my thoughts whenever 

I listen to chasing cars by Snow Patrol, Promise!

Or if I crossed that view on the last place in the city

I won’t stop and look to the view, I shall pass by only

Promise! But it would be hard for me, if I walked by our favorite 

coffee shop “Green Turtle” it can drag me back to you,

      I can never resist promise! It’s not always texting though, I might be able to hold myself

back from finding you on my contact list, least for a while now, promise!

But it doesn’t matter because I will end up liking one of your pictures

    you know from my undercover account,

 I might as well see your many angles pictures and just witness

  your smiles as I can. And if I stumble across a photo of you and a lady

    I will search through her photos, too. See, I honestly tried to stop myself from caring about you, 

   but I, I lost my self control, whenever I see your picture or hear your name

    Somehow I can see the past we once had and Even after everything we have been through after

the shitty things I did and the opposite as well, 

I would still say hello if I saw you in the streets, or at least not just run away

   No amount of reason would be able to hold me back, I know it’s been a while since we last seen each other, it feels like it hasn’t been long “ Stalking” on social media 

I tell myself not to mention you to my friends for the thousandth time, 

I tell myself not to replay our memories

But I do, I do because you’re the only one 

Who made me who I am and loving myself the way I should

I hope one day you would realize that

Even we didn’t meet again,  If you ever read this by mistake

Thank you “HAF”

You were never mine

You were never mine, but we were close, our words, embraces, the way we laughed
we were connected, Maybe through time and place, maybe
Through the way we always knew how to bring a smile
to one another’s faces, maybe Because nothing was ever said, but the feelings
But the feelings were still there, hiding, below the surface
You were never mind, but sometimes it sure felt like you were
It felt right when you would turn to me for advice
when we would stay up late on the phone and I would giggle from too much wine
It felt right when I listened to you share stories about your father, or your brother or
the girl you used to love when you were young
it felt right when you told me secrets that no  one else knew
and when I made promises but failed to keep them

Maybe nothing was ever said about ‘us,’ and what we were, but it was implicit.
I would have fought for you. I would have died for you.
I would have kissed you, if you let me. You were never mine, but I loved you.

     I loved you fiercely, on your hardest days.
I loved you deeply, when you rested your tired head on my shoulder.
   I loved you patiently, as I watched you chase after women who would never give you their full hearts.

    I loved you from a distance, as you fell for someone who wasn’t me.

    And maybe at the time it didn’t hurt. There was something unspoken between us,
     some dividing line that we didn’t cross because we were never each other’s to have, to hold, to keep.

  I didn’t mind it then, loving you from afar, being your support,
   your confidant, your buddy, your friend. I didn’t want more because
   I felt like I already held all the parts of you safe in my chest. It wasn’t until distance came between us, that I, realized how hard it is to miss something that was never yours to miss.

       You were never mine, but I still miss the way you’d close your eyes
when you were stressed and lean your head back to face the ceiling.
 I still miss the way you’d laugh at the stupidest pictures on the Internet and
 send them to me, even though you’d see me just a few hours later.

I still miss the way you’d confide in me, the way you’d tell me about her,
the way you’d lean on me for advice and comfort and laughter.

Because it was always so easy between us

I still miss the way I felt like I was yours, even though I never was.

You were never mine, but I still miss you. Every single day

I was never yours, but sometimes I wonder if you ache for me, too.

Be Different

Sometimes being different is more attractive than being a normal person, and if you think about it what makes a normal person so special? I dont believe its their daily routine actions or how they are dressed or the way they eat, its more than the outside looks or behaviors. Its what inside you that makes you so unique, the way you think, and the way you see the world.

Imagine if the world we live in shares the same things we do or shares the same ideas that we think of, I mean that would be boring! So by being a total different person, you change the world it would be more colourful and bright, I know its not easy, but at least its different than what people think or expect.

The universe we live in gave us a change to be different as you can see around you, we dont share the same skin colour, dreams or cultures. Therefore its another reason why different is sweet as honey, together combining our unique difference we can make this world a better place. A different place.
Also remember if anyone ever called you that, dont take it personally, but take it as a compliment
Your different! Which mean that your unique, like the solar system.

#BeDifferent #BeSpecial #BeYourself

Its already 2:00AM

                                          

Its 2:00 Am

Its two am and this is how I feel,
Dizzy, after getting wasted last night,
Trying to forget every promise you ever made,
Chocked up, from your words,
Lies and beliefs
Addicted, to the drugs you gave
To love you with every piece of I
Without noticing,
Drowning in with you so slowly,

Its three am and this is how I feel,
Ashamed, after falling in love with you,
Since you,  stopped loving me,
Ashamed, that I didn't realize it
Much sooner
Ashamed, that I gave you a chance,
Without asking my soul to,

Its three am adding at least 20 extra minutes
And this is how I feel,
Tired, from crying,
Tired, from dialing your number,
and quickly hanging up
Tired, from checking our pictures,
On the camera roll,


Its three and half Am and this is how I feel,
Ache and pressured around my neck
Since we broke up on my birthday,
Ache, because you shouted at my face,
So loudly that I began to eat myself up.

Its four Am and this is how I feel,
Bitter not better, for having too much of tequila
Trying to get over you,
Bitter, from tasting your lips on mine
Bitter, because I am wasted
Alone in the balcony

Its Five am and this is how I feel,
Not good, but I will move my body,
Wash up my pale face,
Getting ready for work,
Like nothing happened,

Not good, But I will push anxiety away
Wear a smiling mask,
My high heels and make up on
and move on,

Its Six AM and this how I feel,
Wasted as fuck, not good enough
Strong, powerful and super
Pale, beautiful, confident and nervous
I feel like a human, who feels too much
But strong enough,

Its seven Am and this is how I feel,
POWERFUL!