I will love you

I will love you on the days, you chose not to wake up,
When your bedroom is haunted by negative thoughts,
Where it feels like we are deaf by the colour of our eyes
Where music is making us blind to the core, I will love you

I will be the voice, the inner sound inside of you, but I will be the one kind the motivated voice, i will push you, I will let you be yourself and be glad, I will be the laughter on the other end of the telephone tell you about a memory we shared, I will be your second hand, slowing putting my fingers on your cheeks, lips and down to earth i will make you feel worth it. I will love you

I will love you on the blue days, where you dont want to continue, when you are staring at a blank wall, motionless, emotionless and silent. When everything you ever dreamed about became a scratch on a paper, I will love you, when your defeated, ached and humble. I will love you

I will be your shoulder, your second leg, I will be the thighs if you want to, I will be a healing body that comfort you only, I wont be silent breathing person towards you, i will be an out loud giving you freedom, I will love you,

I will love you when you dont want to love yourself, when your flaws live by you, when you no longer know who you are, I will be with you to remind you of how amazingly you are. I will love you.
I will share with you those dusted torn up photographs, on the night where we kissed, you gave me 7 out of 10
On the night where you gave me that mother of a hell box of fries. On the night where you said "I love you" and got hit by a car, on the night and on the night we shared memories that I dont you to forget, at least not yet. I will love you

I will love you, when your laying down the bed, not being able to move, I will hold your both hands and we will pray together, like a one person yes we will, I will love you even when everybody is gone, even if everyone leaves I will love you to the last close of the eyes.

I will love you, for you, with all the many forms that you have given me in the past life, for all those times where you have held me in the perfect fit as your wife, I will love you. I will love you even if those mother hell machines stops, where that square full of heart beats becomes a straight line, or if those helping people ask me to go away, even if the sun suicide itself,
I will love you.
I will love you with all of my heart, even when you close your eyes and say goodbye, I will love you more and beyond, I will love you,

I will love you, I will still love you and I will never stop loving you, even if your not here with me, even when the room is full of people wearing black, I will love you.
I will love you every single day, when I wake up and your not here beside me, I will love you.

I will love you.
I will always love you

Explaining my happiness to mom

Mom, I am happy at midnight
Where you would be asleep
right after 3 in the morning
Where my anxiety strikes down
I am happy, truly completely full of happiness
No mom, I am not lonely, i am a crowded place
full of people coming and going, and staying, (no not really)
But dont worry mom, I am a success story
the perfect metaphor where people cry in the end,
I am that part, (only)
I am happy mom, see
Dolor passes by, and we hang out ( all the time)
It make me shivers,
In the kitchen, on my laptop writing as always
I am enough, yeah people act like I am no weird
and they say that I am a comfort ( not really), see
My happiness is not like any other,
It suffocates me, in ways I never felt so happy with,
Its like love, first love of the sun, with the moon
That kind of love, that doesnt exists
But I am happy, like super happy mom
Things are going just fine, thats why I stay up late
I am being productive with my friends,
I have, insomnia who never leave my side, then
I have my stuttering who is like a shadow
and did I mention depression
because we are like best friends now,
so dont worry mom, I am happy,
Remember that time where you saw me, sinking
Sinking down with my thoughts and
A tear hit my mascara turning my face into a colorful masterpiece,
and I had to lie and tell you I am sad
I am not, not even close
I am happy, super happy
Mom,
Dont hold me so tightly, it reminds me of the abuse
That scratched at the back of my neck
Dont try to say kind words or motivate me, I am okay
Dont worry, when right after my working hours, I like to sleep
It just, I  dont want you to ask how my day was
I am happy,
I am super happy mom
Just dont at me in the eyes,
I already have a burning soul, a body
and my mind is slowly aching
I am happy

#Inhale Exhale

#NewPiece #InhaleExhale #Sad 
Inhale, exhale slowly, deeply and passionately 
My body lays awake, touching the floor painfully 
Memories reaches my throats suffocating my will to fight back,
I have done a sin father, I have a done sin mother
I have reopened some wounds last night, more than some
Let my sensitive skin get scratched engraved,
till blood was covering the backseat
 there were no escape!
This morning 4 am sharp I dug up into stories
that was made up, till I couldn't stop, till I hit the max, till this was no joke till I was hurt, numb and sinned. Again
Yes, for a few seconds, days and years I felt comfortable
I loved every second of it, every single detail bruise on my skin,
Yes, I didn't want to heal, I didn't want to lay on the bath and lush out till healing make me feel something powerful, I wanted to be weak, anxious and in a mess.
 Inhale, exhale slowly, deeply and passionately,
I lay down in the backseat, where you can see my skin pouring out of love, signing in throughout my virtual tool, checking my Instagram account, where only perfection is allowed there,
I move slowly my head reaching to the stars, looking at my fingers wanted to dial 911, but I couldn't feel them, I could only feel tears washing away my agony turning the pain in my chest to dance like the devils dances, screen turned off, the display shows my face now, I look like an empty plate now, trying to smile in order to scare away my fears of dying slowly, reaching to my phone again, trying to post something about my feelings, till phrases and metaphors lighten up " Attention Seeker" ' No
one care" till without noticing I threw away the only help I had.
Inhale, exhale slowly, deeply and passionately,
I sat in the backseat, I swear I felt like something was getting out of my body, till I started to shiver, I am hearing lights now
But its colourful, darker colours, I am seeing the sounds of people voiceless pale faces, damn they look wonderful from where I am sighting they are applauding, I have done it
I am the scars on my body, laying on a white clean bed,
Some electronics power reaches my chest 1. 2. 3
A small squared screen, 1, 2, 3 Again! Again
I made myself into an art piece, sell me for the meaningless now
1, 2, 3, Again! Beep was the last thing I have heard before I could see myself in the dark, before I turned into ashes
Before my emotional healing process turned into nothing.
I have worked hard on me, to turn myself into something powerful, weak, beautiful and agonized
I have turned myself into a beauty of words
I have turned myself into healing
Beep! Inhale, exhale slowly, deeply and passionately,
I am clean, pure and innocent
the scream in my throat is gone now, I am the healing
I am the healing,
Inhale, exhale slowly, deeply and passionately, 

Will Always Love You

A thousand words, could not bring you back

I know because, I have tried.\

Neither would a thousand tears, 

I know because I have cried, 

You left behind a broken heart, 

And happy memories too, 

But I never wanted memories, 

I only want is you, 

Tried many times to forget you, 

But the idea made me feel insecure, 

If you could just take a look, 

And see how I feel without you, 

You know sometimes, I close my eyes, 

And think about a new step, moving on

I picture it all in my head, 

Each time I try, 

Something pulls me down, 

Is it our love?

Maybe it doesnt want us to be a part, 

Tried many times, 

But it seem my situation

Is useless, 

Its been five summers, 

Since you left to heaven, 

Since the earth, has lost it light, 

I cry mostly every night, 

I know its wrong, but what can I do?

For some reasons, I feel the blame, 

If I never asked you, 

To come over, to cross countries, 

Just to see I, Maybe it would never happened

Maybe we would still create

Our world into a better place, 

All I am asking, is just to see your face, 

Am I crazy?

Just want to tell you, 

Through days and years, 

I will always remember our first, 

Smile, passion and beauty, 

May God rest your soul in peace, 

We shall meet in heaven again, 

You will always be remembered, 

In my heart <3

This was the first poem I ever wrote 15/7/2009

Almighty Cure me!

Almighty Cure me! 

Comfort me from my past, where my bruised are from
Cure me, from my missteps that still haunt me and keep me from living my life. Relief me to remember how to be strong with my anxiety.

Assist the process of me healing from my past heartbreaks, to fall in love again, like it never got shot, let me trust my beliefs in life, cure me from all of my suicidal thoughts, be my guardian angel on the other side.

Support me throughout all of my disappointments, show me how to forgive the x-lovers, because I need to let go now, teach me how to forget, how to see the light again. I am already tired trying to give up, so show me how its done.
My decisions, the lines, I am lost, show me please

Cure me from the things that made me this way today, that made me steal my sleeping time, striking myself into a storm and instead of seeing colours I see myself blaming, cursing and getting lost. So help me! Please

Relief me with the beauty thats comes from the inside of faith, let me see good in people heart's, show me the strength you once gave me, when I was doomed, help me have a choice to start, to build to give and to connect. Help me, please

Dear Almighty,
Help me to become myself, the strong lady who never gives up
Support my failures, push my limits into flowering actions
Cure my illusions, my storms and misfits
Relief me from my past,
Assist me with the ways and the light
Dear God, dont forget me,
Help me,
Please
#SlamPoetry #AlmightyCureMe

Bullying ( Back in High School)

First punch,
I swallowed it,
Second slap,
I ate that, 
Pointing at my face,
I never saw it,
Mouth spit,
Back stabbing, 
You see how I look,
Believe me,
I look like a freak,
At least, 
That’s what they said,
I couldn’t do anything,
But believed,
Back in high school,
They used to get me,
All the time,
Words, actions,
Pointing, 
Rumors, 
It burned me, 
Like a fire, 
Burning my skin,
Back in high school,
I was their puppet,
Just like anxiety,
did,
They waited for me,
Around the corner,
With their gossip
that 
Felt like a razor,
Cutting me instead,
Ugly, fat, stupid
And a mess,
Thanks to them,
I lost myself,
With rejections, 
And their judgmental,
They, 
They,
Have won my weakness,
That led me, to hell
I have become nothing,
Thanks to them,
I grew up being worthless, 
Not enough,
Attacking my own breathe,
Sometimes, 
Cutting my own wrists, 
I kept on wishing,
If I told someone,
But I knew they would 
Pick on me, 
Even more, 
So I kept those times,
Where I felt like giving up
To my writings,
And now, 
Those writings, 
Are coming to an end,
Waiting for me to speak,
At least help,
But how can I talk,
See, 
Freak alien, 
Is my middle name,
So, I kept telling myself 
To shout the hell up,
Its better, 
To feel that way,
Than speak up,
Its not like my teachers
Would have stand up,
Or my parents would,
So I let those bruises, 
Kept me safe for a while,
Maybe I would forget,
Back stabbing,
Mouth spit,
Pointing at myself 
I never saw it,
Second Slap, 
I ate t,
First Punch 
I swallowed it 

I deserve more

I deserve more
than your half text messages
late at night
When my brain is about to
lose it, lose control
More than the hours
Where I stay and wait for you
I deserve more
than the girl you took out for brunch
today,
I deserve more than
the time you spent on your games
More than the guy i once met
More than time
and space
I crave for attention
The small detailed efforts
to win me over
Dont act too interested,
Like your into my poetry
or the epic sad songs
that i like listening to
Dont tell me your truly feelings,
I might panic and leave
Perhaps you can be honest
When I am super drunk
So, I wont remember
Why my eyes are burning
I deserve more than your lame excuses
the one with the work related
or how your sick, and
that story where you had the flu
I was sitting right behind you
in the corner
having beers with the ladies
So, dont dare
tell me that your sick
I deserve more
I deserve more