You think you have survived

You think you have survived.
Then the feeling that you were not good enough
for that special person, eats you alive

Then you are defeated again, by the feelings
that your sacrifices were not appreciated, and
all the long distances you traveled were for
the sake of someone who did not take a single step for you،

You think you survived,
then the memory of being replaced beats you up
And that giving up on you was simpler than you expected،
You are the one who stuck to them and overlooked
their mistakes so,
that your relationship with them can continue

You think you have survived
Then an idea crushes you
You were putting someone you loved
in a special place, an exception for everyone
The focus of your universe!
While he considers you a transient person
who can be replaced and waived
At the earliest opportunity
sad isn't it?

You think you have survived
But you are defeated once more
by the idea that despite everyone around you
You don't have someone you can cry in front of,
That you support everyone, but
When it's your turn to tend, 
There is no one around you to lean on

You think you have survived
Then a conversation with an old friend finishes you off
Because you promised each other 
To walk together in hard and sweetness
And now we are like strangers 
Oh wait, strangers smile at each other sometimes
But we don't, we stopped! 

You think you have survived
And then you are defeated by the idea that
You don't have the luxury of
declaring your defeat from the world,
you don't have the luxury of crying or being sad،
Of even breaking down.

You think you have survived
Then all attempts to succeed kills you
Although you stayed up many nights 
and struggled to climb your dreams 
To reach your goals
but all you really received
were anxiety, stress, and depression 
And here you are at the starting point 
Raising your white flag and ready to give up

You think you have survived
Then all the situations that ate you
kills you all over again
From the blames for their mistakes
to beat you against the wall
Accusing you of what is not in you

You think you have survived
Then an idea defeats you
That everything was going the opposite of what you wanted,
although you did not fall short in anything