When I die

When I Die

When I die, 
give what left in me,
to the people who feel low, to the broken souls.
To children with no toys
and to the souls with no homes
just give what left in me, 
to everyone in need

When I die,
Comfort my loved ones
With beautiful words,
Tell them “stories”, 
About our adventures.
Wipe their tears, 
and listen to thee
Give them a hand, 
Show them love

When I die,
Burn my sad memories,
So no one can feel sorry,
Steal all of my tears,
And let them rain,
Like fire turns into ice
Cold into thunderstorm
So others can see.
Ask for forgiveness, 
for all the sins, and
Heart breaking 
that I have done

When I die,
Open my heart, 
And listen to my beats,
Whenever you miss me,
Look for I,
In the people I have known,
Or ever loved
Through the books I have read or
nor When I die,
Don’t cry for me,
Nor feel guilt
It’s the circle of life, 
No one fault
Pray for I, 
By your prayers,
Don’t hold me too tight,
I shall be fine,
Just set me free,

When I die,
You should know,
Only one thing
My body will be buried,
Under those memories
But my love, 
My only love, 
Will be in you,
With the hope you gave,
And the courage you shared.

When I die,
My eyes will be watching,
Over my dear,
When I die,
Don’t cry for me,
Just pray for I,
Surely when I die
I will be free
By Sally Bani Hani

When your heart is heavy, read this

I literary know what its like to be emotionally exhausted, especially when you try to explain it to people and you cant.

How finding the perfect words for " I feel things differently, deeply and I feel too much, sometimes it leaves me empty"

Its like waking up so tired because you couldnt sleep at 3 in the morning, and how loneliness grown deeper inside you.

Its like sneaking on everyone else, wondering " what am I doing wrong?" Wondering why do I feel less than a person, somehow wishing you would stop caring.

See, I am a type of a person who just love so deeply and care too much to people who dont ever care I exists.

I am the one who gives away part of myself to make others feel something, feel whole again.

Who show that being strong is very easy, but I barely can figure it out on myself.

I am the one who weep poetry, and no one would even notice,

Who feels lonely in a middle of a wild concert, I am the one who look at couples holding hand and wondering " Will it ever be my turn?"

So trust me, I know how hard it is for you to feel heavy, I am sure its not you, its only a phase, you will get through it, and I will be here.

I know how much I tried to tell you to stop loving as hard as you do, will make you feel like there is something wrong, but trust me its okay.

So, I am writing this for you, yo know you are special, with all of your fears and faith, with your tenderness and softness, one day you will get what I am trying to stay, when I and you see the light and escape away.

But until then, keep trying, keep holding onto that little bit of faith of yours, keep being yourself the unique creep weirdo, the sweet dont change. Dont change like me, I grew up heartless with no passionate of life or love. Let all the emotions breathe your soul, make a difference. be the change that you want to see

Be that someone who is rare, be that someone when people look at you say " Finally" Someone with feelings. Be someone like I used to be. Dont change. Dont become someone else. Be yourself

Sincerely,

The older me

Depression

" Attention" Check out my new piece of poetry 
I have always managed to hide my destructive point of view with a smile. Friends never question things, once they see how fine I am doing, but that is the ugly truth, that I have learned to admit
My close friends never contested the times when I unexpectedly excused myself and secured my soul in the bathroom for at least 5 minutes until my anxiety strikes calmed down.
They never noticed that I stopped eating, or asked me what was wrong after I wiped tears away and told them it was "nothing"
Yes, I felt like I was all alone in my cruel reality, with no one but myself to count on.
heavy heartedness pushed everyone I cared about away, until it was just the two of us left. Dolor made me feel like I had no one left to count on, except for the faceless, black pit inside of me.
And for some reason, I embraced it. I let it take over me. Sometimes I even felt relieved that I had a companion. I have let it win, but
I let it win. I let it control me. Despondency never judged me. desolation never forgot about me like the others did. Depression knew the real me. and luckily we became friends.
It took me two years to realize that my friendship with sadness was toxic and thats when I tried to run away from it.
I have learned to let it go, I fought it until my last breathe,
I stopped pushing people away, but thats when I knew it was too late, and even new friendships that, I couldnt take
I kept blaming myself, for the way I look, there was these phases where I be proud of myself and where I would cry myself to bed,
Somehow, I convinced myself that I am over it, that Depression was an old friend of mine, thought it still haunt me down, but I have learned to fight it, I have learned to break free,
I have let myself down,
Sincerely,
Depression.

The Impact of Social media around me

I have noticed today,
I have more than 500 people on my social media accounts
we talk almost every day
and share the love and the sad memories together
but I still feel lonely
and I don’t blame myself for being introvert
I blame social media for it
I must confess a decade ago
I was excited for a new whole world
Where we can connect easily
but then we have failed and we
have lost touch permanently
What bothered me the most, is
When I asked my best friend to meet
Surprisingly she said:
“What time shall we Skype”
But what if I want to go for walk?
Or go and play on the PS
what if I don’t want to Skype
and I want us to meet face to face
It hit me hard
When I figured the disadvantages of social media
There will be no more LIVE laughs
No more enjoying a cup of coffee
without taking tons of pictures
using the right hashtags,
No more enjoying each other company
for the sake of friendship
No more us
like 1 + 1 = 2
Till I decided to quit it
To live the life I have given
To smell the books, and poetry
and leave this disease
To someone else,
Till one day
They miss me
Till one day
They will miss the life we have given
Because we live once
and for me I would rather live the little moments
without taking photos and upload it
on social media
so everyone can know how happy I am
But I would rather live happily
so I can know
How grateful I am without
the use of Social media
I am free,
I am happy
I am me