Introvert But Extrovert

An interactions with the wind,
Is similar to the attraction of a women,
Skin to skin, deeper
With the scene of perfume,
The kind of music, that no one understands,
Behaviors changes,
according to the women intentions to read minds,
Above the ocean,
On a rock and roll myth she says,
An interaction with love life,
Like no other,
Is simply a waste of living chances,
New reveling clothes for the more
sensations dimes,
Another attraction for the men,
Who feel lonely at the night of surrender
To be held with the kind of music
People may dislike,
Above all that,
to the ladies who once was betrayed
By the same kind gender,
But cant be divorced,
To the men who once
Had it all,
But somehow lost their appetite
To the world who buys cruel
as their main course
To the girls
who wanted to change the world,
But somehow lost it,
To the transgender,
Who got bullied,
Spraying their love on the wall of fame,
To the misfits,
Who rocks every single step with dancing
To the lovers,
Who are willing to change for
the sake of what we call "Love"
To the believers,
Who bullshit everything,
To the mankind God
Who loves everything and everyone
To the haters,
Who just jinx everything perfect
To us,
Who we love all kinds
Who want to be everything
in the same time,
Nothing at all,
To us ,
The ones who likes perfection
But cant handle life crisis
To us,
To the people who are lost
Introverts But Extrovert
At the same time,
To us,
The weird living creature
To us,
  

My feelings

I am not trying to suffocate you, when I ask you where you were,

Or who you spent your weekend with; I am just trying to protect my heart. If you were out with another girl, I want to know, so that I can slowly. Detach myself from the idea of you. I do understand that relationships are meant, to develop slowly, but I am impatient, I want to skip past the small talk and go straight to kissing you instead I want something deeper, more meaningful

Even if we are not officially dating, it feels like we are, There is always this thing, about you, about your smile I wear my heart on my sleeves. During a casual conversation,

I might tell you about a recent death In my family, I am open up a lot, It might scare you off, But its normal, The kind a normal that is weird for you, When it comes to see you, You will be my first priority If your free, then I will ask you to see me, And it doesn’t mean that I don’t have backup plans, But I prefer you, I know, that I should play it cool and, wait for you to send the first text. But I really want to talk to you, Even when I have nothing to say, My impatience takes control and sometimes, I end up sending texts that I regret seconds later. I would tell the world about you, You know, when it comes to me, My feelings slip from my lips with ease, I do cry myself to sleep every single night, if it was up to me, I wouldn’t be obsessed with the idea of you, and I wouldn’t break down if you told me that you were in love with another girl, or that serious for a matter of fact

I am highly destructive as well, When I don’t get what I want,

It feels like the end of my world, That’s why I act out by getting drunk off a Mexican beer and a tequila shot, Posting things on social media, and sending you mean texts, I don’t really know how to deal with my pain, So, I act stupid as I can Don’t blame me, It’s not my fault that I get attached so easily, I don’t do it on purpose, in fact If anything, I actually try to stop myself from developing feelings for near strangers, but Somehow it never works,

I am powerless to my feelings, It’s just the way I am wired

Dear Mom

Dear Mom, I was only ten,
When it started, Noticing things, 
Get my heart broken, And here I am,
Standing on this stage,
Speaking out my mind, Letting every piece out, and
 I still remember, My Mom aching voice, And how my dream,
faded away, Like a knife into my skin,
But all I did, was sit and pretend,
And for my memories, my memories
Kept biting and, haunting me,
Like a war living in my thoughts.
And I wondered, If I was your male child,
Would you have came to me,
Asking To give up on his dream, or just leave it to last
After all, I am not your male child,
All I ever wanted was to speed so fast,
And a roller skates, 
That made me who I am, I was only 14, at the time,
All I ever wanted was to fit in, Let the world see my scars, 
That made me live in fears, Dear Ma,
I feel lost in this world, That already judged my own 
Stuttering and skin, All I wanted was for you to listen,
See, My dreams are more than a white wedding dress, 
But would you support or show me more stress?
But how could you know? How could you know?
When your sight is deaf your ears are blind!
Too much anxiety too much to worry,
I was only 15, You made makeup hide my scars away,
Like a shining butterfly across the universe,
So society would likes me, But all I ever wanted, 
Was a pen and a paper, For you to feel my pain,
Instead I laid awake, rather than being asleep.
But After all, I am not your male child
And I wished, if you only knew, How I fought my own demons, 
Late at morning and early at night,
God! Am I dreamer, Just open your eyes,
Show me the power, that made you bare 
9 months to see me, Dear Mom,
Dear females upon the stars
Speak up (x2) and show them who we are
We are here; in God will, And ma,
Yes I deserve respect,
I deserve luck, and I deserve to be loved as your female child 
As whatever she and I want or you dear mom

It ( Slam Poetry)

It was waiting for me,
Around the corner,
When we first met,
Staring at my body,
Full of shivers and cold,
I dig, my nails into my skin
A distraction from the pain itself
But its more powerful,
than rocket ships,
Though my mind was clear, but
things changed, I thought
I  knew how to fight it back, but
I failed myself with high expectation
Instead the way it stared at me
Made me confused and lost

They told me " things will be alright"
They lied,
it was much stronger
than day light
It felt like I was alone,
Me, myself and I against it
It was all I could think of,
This feeling, losing my mind
stealing away my sleeping time
So slowly! I never noticed
How its heavier now,
this monster who lives in my head
Is now like water I cant live without
Very large and big, but cant be caught
since  psychiatrists said
Its not there, its not reality
But somehow lives in my head, and
The pressure is crushing at the back of my neck
I am its life force, without me it dies
It shorten my breaths and accelerate my heart
Its the only thing it want me, and
Its torturing me, there is no escape
It stares into the pit of my soul
and ignites my darkest fears, Suffocating
My will to fight, worst part!
This thing, knows me more than I know myself

Its feels like everyday
I am marching to death,
Who I live near by, I mean in
and now
I am just giving up my entire ideas and love to it
To be honest,
I am starting to feel like I am the only puppet
In his shows, I am his marionette
and I need to fight it back
I need to fight anxiety
I need to fight it back